i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
