Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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