I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize