I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
