possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
