I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
