took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
