gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
