I think I won the penis lottery.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Even my vagina gasped.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
