Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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