Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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