Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
