he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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