kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
