You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
