I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
