STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
