my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
