my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
