I think my fart just growled at me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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