If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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