fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
