No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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