Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
