Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize