omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize