Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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