The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
