Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
