I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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