I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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