This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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