I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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