Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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