I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We had sex on a dog bed..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
