they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
