you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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