Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can text with my tongue
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
