wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
