If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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