dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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