she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
