Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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