I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
