im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
