Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
