Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
