I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
