Everything about him screamed your future.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
