I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
