Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize