im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
