I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
