"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
