I just made out with a guy for $7.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm like, not good at living.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
