It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
