Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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