I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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