hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
