She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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