You're a womanizer and a bitch.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
