Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My dick has a subreddit
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
