I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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