I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
