there's paper in my vomit.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
