there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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