ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
